How to stop relationship failures from determining your life

How to stop relationship failures from determining your life. Photo courtesy Lucas Dutra/Pexels.com

By Dr Ashlesha “It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you stand up and try again” — Anon

The word “failure” has such a negative connotation. During our growing up years we are conditioned to dread this f-word. That childhood conditioning stays with us as we become adults and lingers for the rest of our lives. The repeated association of harsh negative adjectives with the f-word encourages us to steer clear of anything that can be described by it. Whether it’s not passing an exam, not getting admission into our desired institute, not getting the coveted job, losing or quitting a job, shutting down a business, breaking up with a significant other or divorce. We actively work to avoid failure in every aspect of our lives. We remain entrenched in the rat race or conforming to society’s straight jacket type norms. How many of us are studying a subject we detest because of the promise of a good job? How many of us are working in jobs that we hate because of the job title or company brand? How many of us are staying in relationships that not only no longer bring us any joy but suck the life out of us? Why do we do this? Simply because we don’t want to be labelled as a failure. But it’s costing us. Big time.

An unsuccessful relationship causes us to have self-doubt. Words of sympathy from friends and family only add fuel to the proverbial fire and make us feel worse. Enough already! It’s about time we start looking at ourselves as the sum of our many parts rather than succumbing to popular labels that try to define us by only one aspect of our lives. There can be several reasons that a committed relationship doesn’t work. Rather than playing the blame game it’s important to recognize it and is not fair to either person to stay in the relationship when they are not happy and their issues cannot be resolved.

One break up or even a series of break ups does not define you or determine your future unless…YOU allow it to.

One break up or even a series of break ups does not define you or determine your future unless…YOU allow it to.You have the power to change your perspective. You can choose to ignore the labels and popular norms! Think of a breakup as a positive experience. Realize that a breakup is just one of your life experiences and that you can learn and grow from it. Look at it is a rite of passage, as a chance to learn more about yourself and what kind of relationship will make you happy in the future. Your friends, family and society cannot tell you what works for you. This is something we all must determine on our own. Working this out is not a static experience. It is a dynamic process and it takes time. Usually it’s a trial and error process that may have to be repeated many times. Like learning to walk or ride a bike.

The important thing to always keep in mind is that our life is made up of so many different experiences. Some good, some not so good and some amazing! C’est la vie! It’s a roller coaster! if you don’t let the failure define you then comments from other’s don’t bother you. If you own it, it takes away the power of other’s judgment towards you. So shake off that f-word and get back on the ride that is life. Keep looking forward and remember…the choice is always, always yours!

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Originally published at https://medium.com on September 20, 2020.