Are you ready for a committed relationship?
by: Dr. Ashlesha
The thought of being in a committed relationship can make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. For many, it is a life goal. Popular cinema, TV serials and novels have impressed upon us how glorious being in a committed relationship can be. What they do not reveal and what real life teaches us is that relationships require constant effort from both partners, to make them work. Before you take the plunge, it is worth your while to honestly introspect are you mentally and emotionally ready for this level of commitment to another person. We all have our own experiences and “baggage” that we bring into any relationship. So, it’s beneficial for you to understand and accept who you are and what you desire.
We are all aware about society’s rules around relationships. Not following or abiding by these rules may lead to raised eyebrows. On paper, the checklist of ‘right’ age, ‘right’ education, ‘right’ community etc. can sound reasonable but ticking these boxes does not always lead to the fairytale ending we aspire to have. If you are not “ready” for the challenges inherent in a committed relationship, you may end up with an unhappy situation.
So what steps can you take to determine whether you are prepared to take the dive?
Review your past experiences: What worked for you, what did not? If you have experienced abuse in a relationship, work on yourself and invest in healing. It is not advisable to get into a new relationship until you have started healing old wounds and have regained your self-esteem. For those coming out of a failed relationship, avoid jumping into a new one as soon as the old one ends. Take time out for reflection, identify trigger points.
Introspect: If you are not happy with certain behaviors or actions and reacted badly, it is important to identify what really triggered your reaction or hurt feelings. Understanding why you were angry or hurt and working with a therapist or good friend can heal old wounds and prepare you for the next relationship.
Decide what you want: When you feel confident about yourself and are aware that a long-lasting relationship calls for patience and acceptance. It helps to know what you want from the relationship as well as what you can contribute to it. Getting into a relationship to be ‘looked after’ by your partner, doing everything together or depending on each other for ‘everything’ can be exhausting. You and your partner should be able to compliment and support each other while giving each other space to be individuals.
Learn to communicate: In any relationship the space to exchange thoughts and ideas openly and honestly is important. Learn to clearly communicate your needs, boundaries and desires. You also need to learn to listen to and hear what your partner needs. There should always be a give and take. One-way communication leads to a dead end.
Now that you have decided that you are ready to invest in a relationship, do you know what kind of commitment you seek. Is it marriage or live-in. Or is it companionship. Are you open for a long-distance relationship, if so for how long?
By now you know you are ready to be in a relationship and also the type of relationship, but do you have the time to invest and nurture it because relationships cannot and do not run on remote or auto mode.
Single, ask yourself if you are ‘ready’ to be in a committed relationship. If the answer is a yes, then sign-up on andwemet.
Originally published at https://medium.com on June 9, 2020.